you turned your livingroom into a bong?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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