hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
