he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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