we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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