so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
