Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
