I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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