oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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