I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
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Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
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