how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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