a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
