Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
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stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
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Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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