you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
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Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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