I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
