'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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