Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
