Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
