Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
