My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
third nipple confirmed
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.