I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
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we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
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But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.