I am puke
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again