It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
New Dating App in Dallas For Only The Most Ambitious and Attractive Singles
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left