the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
