just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.