Someone shit on the floor
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
