I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
