All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
