Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize