I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
