Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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