oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
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