history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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