I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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