bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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