i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
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