My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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