you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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