i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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