I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
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