just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
