you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
