She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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