I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
