I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
