I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
