What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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