He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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