The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Drunk is not a location!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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