she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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