Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
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the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
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I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize