just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.