So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?