I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.