Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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