so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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