it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
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on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
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Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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