I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
